Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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