Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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