Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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