Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
