Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
