is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
