you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
