Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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