If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
