left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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