he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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