pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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