I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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