No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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