Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
