Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
