whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
