i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
