You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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