I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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