Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
