I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
