3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
