we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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