I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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