Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
