i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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