How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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