i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
