You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
