Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm lost and stupid without you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize