I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
