It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
