youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
