Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
