So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
