wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters