she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun