You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
