You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?