you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
