How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
