You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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