During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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