haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
