K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
