They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
