The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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