Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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