do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
