that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
