it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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