"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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