I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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