Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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