i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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