We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
