Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
