Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ugly people sure do ruin things
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
