she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
