Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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