oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
