Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
