My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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