3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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