Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
