i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
