My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
