This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
