dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
