thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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