Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
