three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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