Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
this is an emotional support booty call
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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