We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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