Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
