piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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