This house was built for laser tag.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
