ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
