Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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