Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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